A List of Totally Unrelated Things

  1. Girl Powers has taken to delivering information with the preface I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?. As if this weren’t weird enough for a three-year-old, the two pieces of information that follow have absolutely nothing to do with one another. Yesterday’s example: Mommy, I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first? [I chose bad.] The bad news is that Daddy saw Javelina tracks when he was golfing. The good news is that we went to Aubrey’s house for playgroup! I am seriously considering incorporating this communication tactic into my conversation repertoire.
  2. This is the forecast for the next ten days.

    This is something I wrote in February to remind myself that our summers are not nearly as hellish as most people’s winters. It’s supposed to make me feel better about the impending doom of the next three four five months. It’s not working.
  3. The scorpions are back. Correction: they never left, but scorpion “activity” goes way up when the temps rise (see #2). “Activity” is the euphemism exterminators use to describe deadly 3-inch arachnids invading your home and threatening the lives of your offspring. I am not a swearing person (correction: yes I am), but scorpions for some reason put words like motherf***er into my mouth and make them come out, a la Samual L. Jackson in that movie that everybody talked about and nobody saw, Snakes on a Plane; as in, we have to get these motherFing scorpions out of my motherFing house!
     
  4. Boy Powers is obsessed with trash. The entire epic narrative of trash from pointing at a crumpled piece of paper and saying YUCK! to throwing it in the bin to emptying the bin to taking the bag out to the big trash can to hearing the distant rumble of the garbage truck to watching it lift the trash can and dump its contents into the back and drive off. I wish I could draw from this some insight into his personality, or chalk it up to a specific developmental phase, or at least editorialize it into a clever life metaphor, but I got nothing. The dude likes trash. The end.
  5. We are having 15 people over on Saturday and I’m not sure how it happened. I think we were looking at a blank weekend calendar and a forecast of 110+ all week (see #2) and needed something to do without leaving the house. And now 15 people are coming over.
  6. I have no idea what’s going on in the world right now but I could name every remaining contestant on The Bachelorette. This disturbs me profoundly.
  7. The following things are currently in need of significant repair: guest bathroom toilet (see #5), one of our dining room chairs (see #5), the ceiling fan above our bed (see #2), and my car stereo. At least the A/C works (see #2). And the TV (see #6).

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3 Responses to A List of Totally Unrelated Things

  1. Stephanie Iles June 24, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    Wonderfully random…the scorpion part made me laugh. We don’t have scorpions, but I become a swearing person when it comes to spiders, so I can relate.

  2. Heather Ferris June 24, 2011 at 9:58 am #

    Sarah, this is excellent. I love Allegra’s “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?” I agree – incorporating this tactic into daily communication would be quite fun!

  3. Peg June 25, 2011 at 7:09 am #

    What a great article – it made me laugh, and cry for you all at the same time. You have such a wonderful way with words.

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