To my friends in the North:
You know who you are. You woke up this morning more than a little bit giddy. You turned the page on your calendar to September and felt the first hint of a chill in the morning air (whether it was actually there or not).
There’s a change in the air, you said to yourself. Then you said it to the entire internet, in case they hadn’t also felt the coming of autumn.
I love fall, you thought, pulling a bin full of sweaters off the top shelf of your closet. Sweaters, and football, and changing leaves and the promise of a new school year. And Pumpkin Spice Lattes, you thought.
And then you said all of this to the internet, too, so all the people in all the places would know how much you love fall.
#PSL, you wrote.
I have something to tell you. This might get a little uncomfortable, seeing as we’re good friends and all. But I feel the need to be straight up.
I hate you.
Don’t worry – it’s temporary. Somewhere around the middle of November we can be friends again. When your fallen leaves have turned to perma-sludge clogging the storm drains and your new sweaters have pilled and your skies have settled on the exact shade of gray where they’ll remain until April, I’ll be all yours.
But for the next two and a half months I harbor an unspeakable resentment aimed at you and your fall-flaunting friends.
And I think I speak on behalf of all my fellow hot-weather-climate dwellers when I tell you the following, in no uncertain terms:
When you Pin images of leather boots and scarves onto a board called “I love fall!”, we die a little inside. We might re-pin them, but we know our boots won’t see the light of day until late October, and even then we’ll feel like posers as the sweat pools between our toes.
When you share recipes for pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin martinis and pumpkin s’mores and pumpkin-scented underwear drawer potpourri (OMFG enough with the pumpkin already), we feel something like rage and envy rolled up in a pumpkin-apple-cinnamon blintz.
When you fill your Instagram stream with #nofilter shots of maple trees in fiery reds and oranges, we want to bang our head against the steering wheel and weep. Except the steering wheel is too hot.
When you post on Facebook about the smell of homemade applesauce coming from your crock pot after a day of apple-picking, we’re cranking up the A/C and cursing at the news anchor reporting triple-digit highs all week long. For the 18th week in a row.
When you dress your kids in matching long-sleeved monogrammed pumpkin shirts and take their pictures at the pumpkin patch, we’re slathering ours in SPF50 from head to toe and pulling into the patch parking lots at 8am to beat the heat. Oh, sure, we do the hay ride and the petting zoo and all the rest, but only because by this point we’ve lost all ability to reason with our children, who haven’t been allowed to play outside in four months.
When you cheer for your alma mater wearing knit caps and puffy vests while drinking spiked cider, we’re watching the games inside and wishing we were dead.
And when you post a picture of your first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season, we’re filled with loathing for it all: the crunching leaves, the smells of cinnamon and nutmeg, the chili, the touchdowns, the shortening days and crisp mornings. It won’t stop us from ordering our own #PSL and posting pictures to prove it happened, but we do it with a spiteful heart.
It’s not your fault, really. And while I know that – and know, too, that next March you’ll be filled with the same brand of stabby rage when I post pictures of the kids running through the sprinklers and tweet about a fresh sunburn from an afternoon on the lawn at a Spring Training game – it changes nothing. I still hate you.
There’s a reason Starbucks doesn’t promote an Iced Pumpkin Spice Latte: because it tastes like bitter rage.
Until November,
Your friend in Arizona
You have done it again, my friend. This is hilarious. “It tastes like bitter rage.” Genius, laugh out loud genius. Thanks for making me smile!
Tracy, you’re supposed to be off the internet! But your comment made me so happy, and I hope you’re at least getting a little more cool-weather in SD! Miss you, friend. 🙂 xo
I’m off social media…not the internet as a whole! Your blog is linked to my (private) blog so I see when you update. So glad I saw it today! Congrats on the success thus far, it’s such a great read!
Too much! Just too much! Seriously was laughing as I read each sentence. Can we still be friends in September and October though?!
Oh of COURSE we can still be friends! We have to stick together here in AZ, right? Even if you start ordering your #PSLs soon and I wait until December, we’re all in the same boat. 🙂 xo
This made me laugh SO hard. Especially the part about wearing leather boots and the sweat pooling between your toes…I have already put away my shorts & only wore “fall colors” for the past week…despite the 100+ temps! Hahaha I feel like singing “I’m dreaming of a cool September!”
Claire, I’m singing that with you, sister. But it’s futile, of course. 🙂
Hilarious! Very well written.
Thanks, Erik!
Starbucks Offers Iced pumpkin Spice Lattes, In Fact They Are The Featured Drinks In Hot Weather areas. Still Funny Though.
That’s too funny – I hadn’t noticed before, but I guess I’m glad they’re offering a consolation prize to us? 🙂 Thanks for reading!
I only drink PSL iced, I live in FL….don’t be hatin’ on the PSL!! It’s my “mock fall”! We have to fake it here in paradise!! :p
Yeah, that’s all I could think of when reading this. There are also Pumpkin Spice Frappucinos.
Love this after all of the #psl I saw yesterday. However, Starbuck’s does offer both iced PSL and Frapps.
So I hear, Lysa! I think I’ll wait and have mine hot in December, though. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
LOVED THIS! Coming from Seattle, this hit home, and it is SO TRUE!!!!!! Thank you!!!
Thanks so much!
This is awesome! I cannot stop laughing. It totally describes what AZ is like!!
Thanks, Melissa!
As someone that lived in Scottsdale til age 18 and has for the past 6 years been trying to convince herself that cold weather does not mean instant death… this made me laugh out loud. We’ll see how long my enthusiasm for Ohio fall holds up this year.
Oh Piper, I envy your midwestern fall (I spent 7 seasons in Chicago, though I’m a SoCal girl originally), but not your long winter and gray spring. Enjoy the next few months, then plan a trip back to AZ!
Oh Sarah! This is seriously the best thing you have ever written! I am obsessed! I think I’ve embraced my life here but every fall the envy hits again. You put it perfectly!
Thanks, KD. xoxo
Hilarious Sarah! Although, I have to admit, I just ordered an iced pumpkin spice latte (and found out that you can order a pumpkin frap, too) Not exactly the same – but I had to have my little piece of pumpkin bliss even in 100 temps 🙂
Melissa, I saw your DIY pumpkin coffee this morning and smiled – I’m all for it, if I can crank up the A/C and pretend. 🙂 I’m not so sure if I’d like the taste of the iced, though. Thanks so much for stopping by – I hope all is well with you!
I LOVE this post! I’m in Phoenix and I feel the SAME way. Thanks for the laugh. I love your writing.
Thank you so much, Jennifer!
Maybe it’s our revenge for your ‘shorts in January’ and ‘flip flops year round’ posts. 🙂
Oooh, point well taken. You’re totally right on that one. 🙂
LOVE THIS!! I’m next door to you in Phoenix and this speaks to the deepest crevices of my heat-hating heart. Down with triple-digit Septembers!!
Agreed! Thanks for stopping by!
Relating to your post just a hop, skip and a jump away….
Sweltering in TX,
starbucksgirl
Oh, hang in there Kelly. I know TX has it rough, too. Solidarity, sister! 🙂
As a North Carolina native, yet an Arizona resident for the past 4 years, I feel your pain! This was HILARIOUS!
Thanks, Bree!
Love this! I wish they wouldn’t start this so early amidst our 100+* temps either. I feel deeply for those who have it hotter than we do here in DFW.
Stay cool!!
Thanks Kimberly!
It’s as if you crawled into my head and heart and wrote what I was feeling. I’ve lived here for 2 years now after moving from Seattle and I’m still not used to this heat. I miss wearing sweaters and jeans pretty much year round. My favorite black boots are collecting dust.
I’m boycotting the pumpkin spice lattes – at least until January, when it actually feels like fall here. Does Starbucks even serve that drink after the holidays?
Yes, they keep it on through the holidays, and I actually enjoy a #PSL 🙂 in December and January. I figured out that I like half the amount of pumpkin syrup in mine – too sweet otherwise.
I forget that you’re relatively new to AZ! I have noticed that Seattle transplants are some of the few who continue to appreciate the year-round sunshine after all that gray – but this time of year is hard on everybody (and I really like jeans and sweaters, too).
Thanks for all your online support and encouragement, Charmin! I hope all is well!
This made me laugh so hard I startled my kids! That last line about them not offering an iced PSL absolutely captured how I feel. I’m feeling ya, sister!
Ha! I just moved to Flagstaff from Montana, and was thinking these thoughts- although in Flag I should complain too much! But still, 80 today and warming up. I lived in Tucson for many years, and this was so true- pumpkin everything made me angry. I realized my favorite holiday was no longer Halloween without cold weather and the threat of snow…
I love this post so much. I lived in Arizona for 8 long years and felt exactly like this Every.Bloody.Autumn. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or throw things when I pushed my trolley past aisles full of hot chocolate, pumpkin flavoured everything and egg nog coffee creamer in Wally World.
I will love this blog post forever. And I will never moan about the soggy, damp cold of an English autumn ever again.
Sincerely,
About to put the t-shirts away for a few months.
I so needed this today! I’ve lived in AZ for four years and every year I get depressed once September hits. It usually lasts until about November when we finally cool down. Thanks for the laughs! Good to know I’m not alone! 🙂
I feel your envy & pain here in East Texas too! We’re still in shorts and flip flops here as well, and I look with envy when my more northernly friends begin to post early snowfalls, while we’re still talking camping, fishing, etc. It was 95 today so I guess we could consider that a “cool breeze” eh? Loved this post!
Ya know, I live in Indiana, and it can be up to 110, and heat index of over 120 in the summer and coldish to cold, and can be frigid in the winter. Ya sign up for the weather by living where ya live though Lol 😉
I couldn’t live in Alaska being cold year round, or Arizona being hot rear round lol
I have a friend named Melissa in East Texas! In Dallas, although from Tyler, and Yoakum both! I seen yall got a slight dusting of snow or two last year Lol XD
LOL Enjoyed your post! From Maryland where it is still in the 90s, but I have thought it was funny when I went to San Diego in the fall and I felt the need to wear shorts and a lot of the 20 something women were wearing tall boots and sweaters! Likewise, I have been to VT at Easter time when it was freezing and the girls wore sundresses and white sandals to church! Hang in there!
I grew up in Mesa, AZ — it was 115 there today. I live in a cold place now. But I still hate all the pumpkin crap. So, BRAVO for this!
Oh Sarah. You’ll definitely want to stay away from this Facebook group, exclusively dedicated to all things Pumpkin Treats like: PSL and PSL Ice Cream—which you’d love in Scottdale but not really since it’s no longer being made—Sorry!
https://www.facebook.com/ILovePumpkinTreats
They do make an Iced Pumpkin Spice Latte, and it is bitter unless you have them only put 3 shots in, not 4. However, if you have them add caramel drizzle on top, it’s a slurp of heaven.
Great post.
This is hilarious! I drink hit coffee year round because I don’t like iced. I also read somewhere that they eat spicy foods in Mexico to make it feel cooler externally, so maybe the same principle applies here? Halloween costumes are my personal nemesis, but I definitely free with you on all of this! Bitter rage….love it!!
This is too funny! I’m a Floridian who hates to hear about fall, but I gloat all winter.
Brilliant! As I read your article here in 90 degree, 75% humidity, swampy South Florida, praying for a breeze, I actually felt like smiling. It was like you pulled the words right out of my own head. I think I love you! 🙂
There is nothing about September that says Fall to me. September means the start of college football. Which means sitting outside and sweating through the entire game, whether noon or 8 pm. And, hoping for a tailgating spot in the shade. It also means there might be a morning that I am not sweating the moment I walk outside.
I do though love all things pumpkin and am super excited for pumpkin things, hot or cold!
All this starbucks talk really encourages me to make a run there during my lunch break. It will however be for no such warm drink, I’ll be plenty warm by the time I walk the few blocks there.
You are going viral in FL…feeling your pain, my friend. I live for the day we can retire someplace further north, and praying I won’t die before it gets here!
As a born and raised Phoenician this is EXACTLY how I feel when the weatherman says “today is the first day of Fall” and it’s 110 in Phoenix. We don’t have a Fall or a Spring for that matter. So the rest of the world can enjoy their Fall activities, but for heavens sake stop posting about it!!
Love this post! A lovely 101 here in Fresno, CA all week and yet, as I type, a PSL is in my hand. Of course I had to wait an hour to let it cool down 🙂 I secretly smile when Al Roker says it’s a “scorcher” back East (with their 95s!). Burn, baby, burn!
I do appreciate having never used a windshield ice scraper though…but I hate them for now too!
As a mid-westerner transplanted to southern AZ via the Air Force I know exactly what you are talking about. Funny, I was trying to explain the crispness of fall football weather to a 12 year old native Tucsonan just yesterday. Missing my green, fall colors and football weather.
I have lived in the north my entire life…in the Midwest and the Pacific northwest, to be exact…and the Navy recently moved us to the Mojave desert for the next 2 years. I didn’t know that places without green or sweaty October temps even existed and would have never appreciated this article had it not been for the last several months in this new land of perpetual (oppressive) sunshine! I am missing the start of my favorite season and loved every word. Awesome!! 🙂
Thanks, Jen!
This is absolutely, 100% accurate.
Like when all my friends up north are posting family pictures from the apple/pumpkin/whatever fruit orchard and the trees look like sunrise in leaf form…..
but I’m over here posting pictures of my family in shorts, shirts and flip-flops in the middle of a dead field.
Yeah. Living in South Texas SUCKS.
Thanks, Jackie – hang in there, friend! 🙂
This is hilarious. I feel, however, that there must be some room for solidarity here. The absolute worst thing about life in both our states is the 4-6 months when it’s not really hospitable to human life…the problem here is merely that they’re opposing months. Perhaps we should just consider ourselves to live in different hemispheres and then all this will be much easier emotionally. For the record, I live in Maine, but I hate all things “pumpkin spice.” I’m a straight-up pumpkin kind of woman, and I think leather boots are for wading in to the patch to pick your own. Soup, not lattes.
(I’m not really helping your cause here, am I? Because you’re imagining that cozy kitchen with the steamy windows, redolent of garlic and homemade stock. Try this: we may get frost tonight and all my basil will die just as it’s reaching a foot high. Eff eff eff.)
Anyway, thanks for writing. Glad I found you.
Oh, Anna, I think you’re right – these are two of the most extreme states for sure. I’m so intrigued by Maine – would love to visit sometime…maybe September is a good month? 🙂
Thank you for expressing my bitter rage much more eloquently than I could…
Haha, thanks (I think?). 🙂
Oh man, truth. Thanks for the laughs!
You’re welcome, Liz. Thanks for reading!
This is the best thing that I have read in my recent memory. After living in the north just long enough to get a taste I now boil with spite and bitterness at any and all of these things while melting away in Texas.
Thank you for bringing a smile to my face while making me laugh about some of the most true things there are. I am now a devoted follower and look forward to reading more from you!
Alyssa, what a compliment! Thank you! 🙂
Love, love, love this…. Us Floridians are dying a little on the inside too…but we do have another month of beautiful beach weather so TAKE THAT! I wont be raking leaves… I’ll be catching rays 🙂
That’s so the right attitude, Marina. It’s hard to appreciate our lovely winters this time of year, but you’re right. No leaf-raking or snow-shoveling is a huge plus! Hang in there!
While The Valley is still far to hot for me in September you at least have the option of going to Sedona or Flagstaff. Think of the poor people stuck in Florida where it’s not only hot but horribly humid and if they go north, they’ve got to go almost eight hours to reach mountains.
Oooh, Joshua, you’ve given me something to think about for sure. Haven’t spent much time in FL, but you’re right – just the OPTION for escape is key. Thanks for being here!
haha, this is great.
Thanks, Amy!
I kind of don’t get the fall madness. In Sydney, Australia, spring and autumn are almost jokingly said to last 2 weeks. ALMOST jokingly. In spring, it gets warmer, then a late cold snap, and then by October it’s generally just hot and it stays that way until March, when we do the same in reverse. I hate autumn. Autumn means winter is coming, and the only thing I hate more than autumn is winter. I stubbornly cling to my belief that I can wear summer tops and long skirts through winter with a coat thrown over the top. Even if my feet do get cold. And no one I know in Sydney ever talks about pumpkins.
Ciara, it sounds like you and I could trade hot-weather seasons and we’d be just perfect. Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂
Laughed so hard! I’ve lived in Yuma almost all my life (2 years in Dallas and 6 gorgeous months in Colorado). My favorite line from people about Yuma is, “oh but it’s a dry heat so it’s not so bad right?” Mmhmmm, not so bad, like a hot oven would be not so bad to sit in! I still drunk the hot pumpkin spice though, even our of spite it’s delicious! September is definitely not considered fall, it’s just when I start seeing the light at the end of a really hot tunnel I get out of four a few months 🙂 only 2 more months to our not so hot season that is considered winter time in most other places!
I think Yuma is one of the only places usually HOTTER than the Valley, right? If so, my (sweaty) hat off to you, Tania! Thanks for reading! 🙂
I love this! I found you via Pinterest and I laughed so hard! I live in Fresno CA and its supposed to be 106 this weekend. I agree. I feel all of this. Now I’m off to share it with everyone I know!!!
Aw, thanks so much. Hang in there, sister! 🙂
Starbucks does indeed offer a iced pumpkin spice latte and a pumpkin spice frappachino. Go ahead and order one. They’re much better than the hot latte.
Kate, I’m so intrigued by the iced PSL – many have recommended. Thanks for commenting – I appreciate it!
As a New Englander who loves fall, I definitely took a second to gloat about how good we have it. After exactly one second I remembered that there are 4 seasons in a year and by the time you are finally wearing your cute boots, ours are already ruined by sludge and salt on the roads. Officially out of shoes, we then read your warm-weather posts about flip flops and cute skirts all year. Then we see all the cute spring outfits come out which we can’t wear til about June, and watch everybody south of us have fantastic summer fun any given day while we wait for a week or two of a heat wave. Don’t worry, by the time we are clutching pumpkin spiced lattes, and yes hot chocolate, for dear life, we will hate you too. 🙂
I love that you said “hate” with a smiley face. 🙂 My inlaws are in CT so I know those New England seasons – enjoy this gorgeous fall for me!
This is hysterical and so very true. We moved (last November) from CA (the HOT desert) to Wisconsin for ALL of the reasons you listed above. And, you’re right.. I’ve already had my first #psl, the leaves are changing and there’s that crispness in the air. Should I also add that I wore a light sweater to school drop off this morning? 😉
Good news though.. you CAN get a cold #psl and it does taste delicious. Just ask for it!
Ooooh, the light sweater at dropoff. It’s 100 by the time the kids get to school! Enjoy it, Alyson! Thanks so much for being here. 🙂
I live in Minnesota and this couldn’t be more true! We love our Autumns with our gorgeous trees, our pumpkin patches, apple picking, puffy vest wearing, and our pumpkin spice latte obsessions.
And yes it’s true, we want to punch you guys during winter and spring!!!
Great post! I’m sharing the crap out of it on FB.
Haha, I’ll take your punch with a smile. Enjoy your beautiful fall – I have been to MN in good weather and it is spectacular. Thanks for stopping by, Sabrina!
This is the most idiotic blog post I have ever read. If you feel the need to write something like this, and then publish it for all the world to see how stupid you are, then you are clearly living in the wrong city.
It makes you look really amateurish, immature and just plan dumb to write a pages-long manifesto about how much you miss autumn.
If you miss autumn (or the change of seasons or cooler temps or whatever) that much, then MOVE. Because clearly you are in denial about the fact that you are living in the wrong part of the country.
Life is extremely short, and you may get hit by a bus tomorrow. If living in Arizona or Florida or wherever you and your like-minded commenters makes you this miserable, I feel very sorry for you that you don’t have the courage to just make a decision and MOVE.
Yeah, this time of year definitely makes moving seem like an attractive choice! 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting!
Wow. Rude. Clearly satire is lost on you.
Cindy, I wish it was that easy. Really, I do.
HILARIOUS!!!
THANK. YOU. I love you for this. That is ALL.
What a great post! From a Floridian and someone who spent five sweltering years in Dallas I can so relate to this post. I never knew hot until we moved to Texas. In Florida we do get some fall in January lol. I would loathe Facebook in the fall for this very reason. We now live in southern Virginia and I have to say I left Texas and never looked back at least not as far as the weather is concerned. I will remember you and all my other friends this fall as I too drink my beloved psl. I will also try to hold down the rage when others are basking in the sun while we are freezing our bums off in a cold nor’easter during late March/April. Thanks for a hilarious post!
Oh yes. From a Houstonian who loves fall (when it finally comes in November!) But I will say that swimming close to Christmas is nice!
This is just the comedy I needed today. Just moved to Scottsdale in April. We moved here from Reno, Nevada. No, not Las Vegas, so don’t say “oh, then you must be used to the heat.” Look at a map. Reno is in Northern Nevada about 45 minutes away from Lake Tahoe. It snows there. Reno has four seasons. (Sorry, that rant is not directed at the author, but to the 15,000 people I’ve met in the last few months who don’t realize there is anything in Nevada outside of Las Vegas.)
I got home from work Wednesday to discover the air conditioner isn’t working at our home. The soonest we can get a repairman out there is Friday morning. I tried playing the “But I have a BABY!” card and it didn’t get me anywhere.
My husband, my son and I slept on the couch last night because it was only 94 degrees downstairs and it was 96 degrees in the bedrooms upstairs. The couch was wet with sweat and a leaky sippy cup by the time we got up this morning. Gross, I know.
Meanwhile, on Facebook, all of my friends back home are talking about football, cute fall boots, and yes, pumpkin spice lattes. I’m considering unfriending them all until November.
Thanks for making me laugh on an otherwise bitter, miserable day!
LOVE this! I just forwarded it to all of my Northern friends. I was forcefully brought to the “sunshine state” (AKA hell) from Pennsylvania when I was a junior in high school. That was in 1985. I’m still in hell. I long for the day when I can wear a jacket at the county fair in September and still be a little chilly. My ultimate dream is to retire, go to PA in the summers, and drive slow in the left lane!
I’m a fan, Sarah! Thanks for validating my autumn envy!
I’m up for a house trade. MN winter vs. AZ winter. Serious. Let me just say, I. HATE. WINTER. AND. SNOW. AND COLD.
Sadly, DH loves winter. Don’t get me wrong, Minnesota is awesome, I just. hate. winter.
M
Can’t say that I feel the same way toward my northern friends as you do. I lived the first 40 years of my life in the northeast, then I moved to Florida. I NEVER enjoyed fall up north, because the only thing it meant to me was that winter was coming. I don’t like pumpkin-spice flavored anything, and I’m very happy picking Florida citrus in January, strawberries in March, and blueberries in May. When I lived up north and came to Florida on vacation, I would literally get depressed on the last day. I dreaded going back up. Sure, it’s hot here for many months, but that’s what pools are for, and when I go to the beach here, the water is actually warm enough to swim in. The most I ever did up north was go in up to my knees. So, they can have their pumpkin spice lattes. I’ll go get me a nice, thick vanilla Frappuccino!
OMG – I just laughed so hard! I hate coffee. I hate all things coffee. I hate the transition from summer to fall because I know winter is coming. I’ve seen more than my share of #PSL and Starbucks shenanigans to last a life time! I’m sick of people posting about it (I’m in GA so it’s still warm here too, not 100+ warm, but warm). And, I’m in my own private hell regarding coffee at work (damn coffee drinkers). Thank you for making me laugh at coffee – laugh in it’s freaking double shot, non-fat, something-something, grande face!
Oh my gosh… Can we be besties please? I have lived in PHX for 3 years and have been trying to explain this to my friends and family the whole time. Brilliant. 🙂
As a Scottsdale born and raised desert rat now dwelling in the fall and snow and colored leaves climate, I love every second of this rant
Not only can you order an Iced PSL, but you can also get a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino! #PSLforever!
Loved this post! I was thinking the EXACT same thing yesterday while I was in the downtown Phoenix Starbucks on a lunch break bemoaning the brutal sun as I watched the baristas set up the PSL paraphanalia. My coworker calls September the “meanest” month because you are totally ready for fall and it seems like everyone else is enjoying those crisp mornings and lovely foliage but we here in Phoenix get to suffer and sweat right through October.
As a transplant from New England, the siren song of *going home again* is always loudest to me this time of year…Thanks for putting it into words so effectively and with such wit!
LOVE this! I live in Arizona too and I feel your pain…
From one desert dweller to another, I love this long time. I think I will become your new blog stalker.
I cried laughing! Thank you for perfectly summing up “fall” in the Valley!
I live in Chandler and I posted a bitter mini rant about how much I hate September in Facebook last week. A friend saw this post and sent me this link. This post is TOTAL PERFECTION. I am so sharing this!
I posted a mini rant on Facebook last week about how much I hate September, pretty much for the same reasons you have listed here. One of my friends sent me the link to this post and said she thought I would enjoy it. She was right! I live in Chandler and you have said it way better than I could have! This is definitely getting shared.
Coming from the Mojave in California… amen, sister! I just read it aloud to my husband.
Delightful! You made me laugh out loud many times. Though I am a dyed-in-the-wool Chicagoan, I loooong for the Arizona sunshine along about January when I’m trudging through knee-deep slush across the Chicago river to work. Fall only lasts 5 minutes, so we do like to revel in that glory while it’s here! Enjoy your writing style so much I just followed you on Twitter! Keep up the great work!
Well, I’m from Rhode Island and I love this post. Too bad on the sour grapes from those who don’t appreciate the humor. And, yes…guilty of a few of the above. Whoops! Will think before I post, blog, click….next time. Thanks for the laughs and I really do hope cool weather comes quickly for those of you who need, want, would welcome it…soon!
Oh thank you, Paula! That means a lot. I love RI. Enjoy your lovely autumn! 🙂
Brilliant. That is all.
OMG. I have the exact opposite response. As a native Arizonan stuck living in freaking New England with all the freaking pumpkin nonsense, I have this to say:
Fall freaking sucks.
First, it just means winter is coming, but second, it’s already freaking cold! Winter cold, by Arizona standards! (And you know you can be cold in Arizona in the winter even if that seems ridiculous to people where it’s 5 degrees.)
I took my kids to soccer this morning at 8am. And y’know, I wore summer clothes, because technically it’s still summer for a couple more weeks, and because my Arizona brain continues to associate sunshine with reasonable temperatures, no matter how many days over how many years I’m proven abso-freaking-lutely wrong about there being any correlation WHATSOEVER about the nice hot ball of gas in the sky providing warmth to the air around here. But back to the soccer game. I wore sandals. I had to walk through 2-inch high wet grass (okay, I know in Arizona that might [okay, does] sound really nice, but lemme tell ya, that shit is COLD) and shiver my way through an entire soccer game before the day finally reached its ridiculously low high of something in the 60s. This is not awesome. It is torture. It is the beginning of the much worse torture that will be winter, which will last here not three months, not four months, not even five months, but at least 6. [And then there will be the Season of Mud.]
And don’t even get me started on Halloween. In Arizona Halloween is when it’s finally a tiny bit chilly, and it’s exciting to pull out your jeans, or you can pick a costume that has sleeves, and it’s totally comfortable. Here I take kids trick-or-treating while wearing hats, gloves, and COATS ON TOP OF THEIR COSTUMES. Because it is never, ever warm enough not to, and no amount of layers matches the warmth of those stupid coats. So they briefly flash their costumes at people at each door. It’s sad and weird and wrong, and no one here finds it remotely odd.
And you don’t even want to know about winter and the shoveling and all the nonsense that isn’t reported in the news, and isn’t even imaginable from an Arizona perspective, like the sidewalks becoming iceslicks when the snow melts just enough to make water and then ice, but not enough to disappear, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, or the fact that you can no longer park your car normally for months on end, because snow plows have piled dirty snow in what used to be spots, or how horrid it is when it’s just cold and grey and there isn’t even any snow, or how annoying it is when it snows 8 inches on a school day and your AZ friends are like, Yay! Build a snowman! and you’re like, dude, I have to shovel the cars out and get everyone to school, and when we get back at 4:15 it will be dark. DARK, I tell you, not dusk. DARK. And I know you accepted that Arizona rules when it is really winter elsewhere, but trust me when I tell you you have no idea how very much that is true, and how very worth even every minute of insanely freaking hot it is to have the gift of no winter.
Pumpkin spice lattes are stupid, and they don’t even taste good hot! Nor does most of the pumpkin crap. Apple picking and applesauce are *awesome*, however, so I will totally accept the jealousy on that front.
On all the rest of it? Please take your frustration poolside, where you can sit in the totally functional sun all. day. long, and a) be wearing a swimsuit and not jeans and a freaking sweater right now, b) swat zero mosquitoes because it’s so nice and dry they barely even exist there, and c) not once have to think about when the time is going to change, and all of the daylight is going to go away. [Oh, gawd, and your swimsuit will dry in like 5 minutes, not several days!]
Arizona freaking rules.
Uhm. I have an idea. Move?
Or don’t hate me because I live at 9,000 feet where the humidity is nearly as low as yours in the desert. Oh, and our record all-time high is 90.
Oh, and btw… not even remotely envious of your March sprinklers. Even when it’s snowing here in March, I’d much prefer to enjoy that snow knowing that come September, when it’s roasting hot in the desert, I can sip my pumpkin spice latte and enjoy its cozy, spicy warmth.
You are a wonderful writer! My husband and I (both Arizona natives) literally LOL’d the entire time we read this!
Yes yes and yes!!
Yesterday I crossed the globe back to my desert (the Arabian Gulf), and on my way through the London Heathrow airport I noticed I was the only one – the ONLY one – not wearing long-sleeves. And half the line had scarves on.
Curse them all.
From someone residing in the Middle East – THANK YOU!
Ha! This is so on point.
Love,
Your fellow autumn-lover and sufferer in California
Oh man. I feel your pain. I’m from near the Rocky Mountains in Canada, but I’m living in Bangkok right now, and seriously missing fall. In May when it’s still snowing back home, I’ll be pretty pleased with the tropical climate, but for now, I would do anything for crisp fall air and a PSL.
From another AZ gal….I so feel ya sista! I’m still drinking my mocha fraps cuz it’s just too hot for anything else.
Preach it desert sister!
Too funny!! I live in the Midwest and do not like fall…..winter follows and is 6 months long! I would take AZ anytime. The pumpkin obsession is CRAZY! I do love pumpkins but in October 🙂 enjoy the heat and pool season…..ours is over. Winters coming. I’m jealous.
Haha, I love this so much. EXACTLY. This time of year is the hardest for me, I’m so OVER summer and yet it hangs around, totally overstaying its welcome. Found your blog through a friend, love finding other Phoenix-area bloggers!
Wow!!! You could not explain it better!! That is exactly how I feel!!! Seriously, that was hilarious!!!! You made my year!!! Awesome awesome awesome!!!!!
I’ve read this post multiple times now. My friend Sue posted the link on Facebook and you had me rolling. While TN is not as bad as AZ, it feels that way often. My friend was from the Midwest (me, too) but had been transplanted to the furnace of AZ, and I always chuckle at her weather-related posts. What makes this post more special to me – and many now – is our friend posted the link just a few days before she unexpectedly passed away. I posted this for her the other night…
“I looked longingly at the Starbucks counter as we went through Kroger tonight. There, in front, was a sign for Pumpkin Spice Lattes…and I nearly broke down crying between floral and produce. I think of my friend Sue and the hilarious blog she shared a few days back…of her missing the cool northern fall of Michigan while sweating in AZ…and I imagine her mansion on high has cool temps and perfect weather to sip a pumpkin spice latte…and it won’t taste ‘like bitter rage.’ You bring me laughter through tears, my friend.”
And so I thank you, not only for the laughter brought from your post when I first read it, but for the laughter-through-tears it now brings our friends and I as we think of her and miss her, grieve her and remember her. We will never look at a PSL the same again.
They do have an iced PSL and it’s GROSS! haha. Your blog made me laugh and now I feel the need to send you a box of crisp air and crunchy leaves.
Don’t worry hot climate friend, I will be cursing you in MN when we have snow in April;)
Genius! I am a desert dweller myself … so I know you write the gospel truth here. And I’m getting my smile on this morning because of it. I think I can go put on my spf 30 without bawling my eyes out now …
(PS– keep us posted when you publish your first book; i love the way you write!)
I got one! PSL ICED! from Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts. It was yummy 🙂 I read this and HAD to see if they’d make it in iced and if it would be good. Yupyupyupyippyyupp to both! LOLZ I love this and shared on my FB page
Guilty Northerner here! So funny! Congrats on VOTY!
Thank you so much, Stephanie! Just saw you were nominated, too! Off to go find and read your post. 🙂