Shrink: So tell me, where do all these feelings of inadequacy come from?
Boy Powers: Well, it all started when my mom had a blog where she only wrote about my sister and never me.
Boy Powers: That, and my sister used to lock me in the dog crate for fun.
Yeah, so I do have this other kid. I don’t write about him that often. I don’t mean for it to be that way, it’s just that his sister does things like start school, face big fears, make tough choices, swim, dance, and, oh, I don’t know, say things like I’m really interested in broken bones and death right now. No more impressive, when I really think about it, than learning to walk and talk, but somehow her developmental narrative ends up dominating this space. So, yeah, guilty as charged with sibling inequity. Damn.
In a feeble effort to even the scales just a little bit, here are some need-to-know facts and stats about the littlest Powers:
Age: 15 months yesterday! 1.25 years!
Height: 31 inches. Shorty McShortypants (comes up to his sister’s 95th percentile belly button).
Weight: 21 lbs, 7oz. Featherweight class; too heavy to be carried around all day, just light enough to be easily toppled by dogs and sisters.
Eyes: Blue with a hint of you-better-believe-I’m-about-to-throw-a-golf-ball-at-my-sister’s-head mischief
Hair: Blonde with a smear of this morning’s yogurt
Skills: Language acquisition (seriously, the kid is talking like a two-year-old), climbing, walking (finally; see language acquisition, which has clearly been trumping gross motor skills for this one), stacking, dumping, hugging, thumb-sucking, snuggling, feeding himself with a spoon (see also: hair), reprogramming household electronics, drooling, laughing, begging anyone and everyone to read to him (mama! mama! mama! read! read! read! book! book! book!)
Likes: Trains, trucks, books, books about trains, books about trucks, books about anything, garbage, garbage cans, garbage trucks, Trader Joe’s cheese puffs, ranch dressing, cheese puffs dipped in ranch dressing, anything dipped in ranch dressing, iPhones, iPads, iPods, remote controls, chewing on remote controls, hiding remote controls, pushing buttons, music, movies, his sister, anything his sister does or says or inflicts upon him
Dislikes: Molars, ear infections, getting shots, getting an ear infection, shots and molars all in the same week
Likely future profession: writer, lawyer, politician, drill sergeant – the dude does not stop repeating the same thing until you’ve acknowledged that you have heard and understood him (and even then not until he’s satisfied that he’s said it enough)
Unlikely future profession: Librarian
Current activity: Waking up from nap – there you go, buddy! I don’t write about you because YOU NEVER SLEEP LONG ENOUGH for me to string two sentences together!
Bottom line: I love him as much as the other one, even if I don’t write about him as often. And I’m saving my money for (his) therapy.