What if?

What if someone showed up at your house and said:

Hey what’s up. I’m going to systematically destroy everything in your house, one room at a time. I’m going to put myself into mortal danger approximately every four and a half minutes. Should this result in actual injury you will be responsible for all necessary medical attention. I’m a human heat-seeking missile for all things dangerous, expensive, permanently staining and potentially poisonous. I define edible as literally able-to-be-eaten, so yes, cardboard and gravel totally count. Fake electronics do not fool me; I will find the real remote and re-program your TiVo faster than you can say Curious George. If you attempt to derail my attempts at any of the above, I will shriek at you in an unintelligible (to you) language. Oh, and by the way, I’m going to crash at your place for the next twenty years or so and by “crash” I mean it would be awesome if you could come hang out with me a couple times a night whenever I feel like it.

Now what if this person looked like this?


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